Winds of change
"Change does not come by loud protests, by abusing public property and by daring law officers to arrest us to make a statement against the establishment.
Change comes with patience, understanding and education. Change comes by example – by using wisdom to lead others to realize the best choice for them. Change comes by allowing others to live through the experiences they must, as difficult as it is to watch, so that they can come to their choices from within themselves. This is the only way they will truly believe.
To bring about the change we all are seeking, we must realize that the change must be a choice we all are allowed to make, as individuals and in our own time. We must learn to live our own lives, not to presume to know what is best for others. We must educate ourselves, and we must love others enough to give them the same opportunity for themselves."
These are statements made by somebody I have followed a great deal over the last year
or so, somebody whose struggle I have come to admire.
And then somebody who I didn't know much about till yesterday, but somebody whose voice betrayed and experience (real credentials) showed a very nuanced, deep and wise understanding of the world said this and I quote. " In life, we find lots of comrades, but no friends, the very lucky amongst us maybe find very very few friends, because the feeling of comradeship is based on the emotions of a moment whereas friendship is something more permanent we hope, something based on true mental intimacy". How do the two things I quote associate with one another? My experience is that even amongst the people who know you, very few, maybe hardly anybody understands you for who and what you are, hardly anybody cares to know what you stand for, hardly anybody asks the tough questions of you and is willing to listen to the answers, the answers that half-make sense, half don't, the answers that show your mental confusion, hardly anybody cares to listen and make sense. What I heard from a man I knew nothing about till yesterday seemed to make a lot of sense, it touched a chord. I have found myself alone practically everywhere in life, more so in the last many years, and its not physical loneliness, its something more, much more, I won't get into that here, the greater point was that it was quite easy for me to understand his point. Comradeship has some emotional appeal, its about finding emotional oneness with somebody you may not know and may not share much in common with, its about walking in step with somebody, but unfortunately comrades last only so long as the struggle lasts, sometimes not even that long (you ofcourse understand that much later). Friendship is about sharing core values and finding a deep level of connection. It is very rare, I have personally known it to be even more rare.
As regards to the excerpt on change. Through my own limited experiences there are times when I have made constructive suggestions to people who I care about. I did not and do not expect them to incorporate those suggestions in their life or thinking without doing their own thinking, but what I do like to see is people who take what I say not as some sort of a scathing attack on them, but who try to be more receptive. I say this, because when we sense people attacking us, as human-beings our first instinct is to defend ourselves, we often either dismiss what is being said or try to fight back in other ways, and these instincts kick in without our conscious knowledge, probably because of the deep-seated instinct to defend ourselves. And sometimes we are wrong in thinking that every bit of critcism we get is malicious, thats because all people around us are not malicious, and we owe it to ourselves to know who we are listening to and based on that, to make our own judgement on what/whose advise we listen to. Change can't be forced on anybody, everybody has to come to their own realizations through their own experiences. The idea in making suggestions to people is not to take away their right to make their own independent judgements on things, its more to make them cognizant of certain things they may not be aware of through knowledge/wisdom gained through our personal experience. I think you can sense the change in somebody, if you know them very well, there are very subtle ways of seeing/sensing that change. It maybe a suggestion you may have made, and its not to claim credit for it, its more the sense of satisfaction that you could serve as a trigger for an internal conversation, which could help the person. On the other hand, I have also known people who say they are transforming themselves, but somehow you don't sense/feel that transformation when you hear them or talk to them, and you really hope that they know, that they would be better served being more honest to themselves and secondly that you would know if and when you saw that change in them (and you clearly aren't seeing any transformation in them that they claim), that they wouldn't need to make any statements if that transformation occured. When you truly know somebody, you back your instincts and subtle observations about them, more than the statements they make. I know I do and when I see a contradiction between what I hear and what I see, I question to clarify, if whoever it is matters.
You know you are dealing with somebody who is a friend and who cares deeply, if they see subtle things others can't. Finally change is internal, but people who care can however serve as vital catalysts.
Change comes with patience, understanding and education. Change comes by example – by using wisdom to lead others to realize the best choice for them. Change comes by allowing others to live through the experiences they must, as difficult as it is to watch, so that they can come to their choices from within themselves. This is the only way they will truly believe.
To bring about the change we all are seeking, we must realize that the change must be a choice we all are allowed to make, as individuals and in our own time. We must learn to live our own lives, not to presume to know what is best for others. We must educate ourselves, and we must love others enough to give them the same opportunity for themselves."
These are statements made by somebody I have followed a great deal over the last year
or so, somebody whose struggle I have come to admire.
And then somebody who I didn't know much about till yesterday, but somebody whose voice betrayed and experience (real credentials) showed a very nuanced, deep and wise understanding of the world said this and I quote. " In life, we find lots of comrades, but no friends, the very lucky amongst us maybe find very very few friends, because the feeling of comradeship is based on the emotions of a moment whereas friendship is something more permanent we hope, something based on true mental intimacy". How do the two things I quote associate with one another? My experience is that even amongst the people who know you, very few, maybe hardly anybody understands you for who and what you are, hardly anybody cares to know what you stand for, hardly anybody asks the tough questions of you and is willing to listen to the answers, the answers that half-make sense, half don't, the answers that show your mental confusion, hardly anybody cares to listen and make sense. What I heard from a man I knew nothing about till yesterday seemed to make a lot of sense, it touched a chord. I have found myself alone practically everywhere in life, more so in the last many years, and its not physical loneliness, its something more, much more, I won't get into that here, the greater point was that it was quite easy for me to understand his point. Comradeship has some emotional appeal, its about finding emotional oneness with somebody you may not know and may not share much in common with, its about walking in step with somebody, but unfortunately comrades last only so long as the struggle lasts, sometimes not even that long (you ofcourse understand that much later). Friendship is about sharing core values and finding a deep level of connection. It is very rare, I have personally known it to be even more rare.
As regards to the excerpt on change. Through my own limited experiences there are times when I have made constructive suggestions to people who I care about. I did not and do not expect them to incorporate those suggestions in their life or thinking without doing their own thinking, but what I do like to see is people who take what I say not as some sort of a scathing attack on them, but who try to be more receptive. I say this, because when we sense people attacking us, as human-beings our first instinct is to defend ourselves, we often either dismiss what is being said or try to fight back in other ways, and these instincts kick in without our conscious knowledge, probably because of the deep-seated instinct to defend ourselves. And sometimes we are wrong in thinking that every bit of critcism we get is malicious, thats because all people around us are not malicious, and we owe it to ourselves to know who we are listening to and based on that, to make our own judgement on what/whose advise we listen to. Change can't be forced on anybody, everybody has to come to their own realizations through their own experiences. The idea in making suggestions to people is not to take away their right to make their own independent judgements on things, its more to make them cognizant of certain things they may not be aware of through knowledge/wisdom gained through our personal experience. I think you can sense the change in somebody, if you know them very well, there are very subtle ways of seeing/sensing that change. It maybe a suggestion you may have made, and its not to claim credit for it, its more the sense of satisfaction that you could serve as a trigger for an internal conversation, which could help the person. On the other hand, I have also known people who say they are transforming themselves, but somehow you don't sense/feel that transformation when you hear them or talk to them, and you really hope that they know, that they would be better served being more honest to themselves and secondly that you would know if and when you saw that change in them (and you clearly aren't seeing any transformation in them that they claim), that they wouldn't need to make any statements if that transformation occured. When you truly know somebody, you back your instincts and subtle observations about them, more than the statements they make. I know I do and when I see a contradiction between what I hear and what I see, I question to clarify, if whoever it is matters.
You know you are dealing with somebody who is a friend and who cares deeply, if they see subtle things others can't. Finally change is internal, but people who care can however serve as vital catalysts.
posted by Aditya at 12:37 PM
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